If one was to be asked what has been uppermost in every news broadcast for almost the past year, the answer would certainly be COVID-19.
It has successfully eliminated every potential rival, day after day, month after month until one grows completely weary of the word Covid – until the horrifying possibility arises that a Covid-19 test will be required.
Because of certain incidents that have happened when something out of the ordinary has occurred in my completely ordinary life, I am very nervous of anything arises that might be loosely termed “extraordinary.” For instance, I am very nervous of dentists. My life is peppered with unfortunate incidents that have taken place in dentists’ chairs. On one occasion a dentist was drilling into an upper tooth to replace a filling. That old filling must have been very stubborn, for I saw the dentist was really straining, pushing hard on the drill. Suddenly the drill shot up, revving highly, indicating it was through bone or something. When the dentist had finished with me and was ushering me out the door he said, “By the way, don’t blow your nose for a week or you’ll blow an eye out through your nose.” It seems he’d drilled up and into my eye space. There are other incidents that one could describe as extraordinary, in that they happened in my ordinary life, but they’ll keep for another time.
Consequently, when Janet developed a nasty cold recently and remarked that responsible action required a Covid test I wasn’t perturbed – until she added that I would have to have one too. Why, I wanted to know – I don’t have a cold, or the virus! Protests were in vain. I was dragged me off to the testing place at Warners Bay.
When we arrived we didn’t even have to get out of the car. We were told to put both front windows down. Then I saw a lady approach, smiling politely. “Good morning sir. Now sir this won’t hurt a bit. I’m going to insert this slim piece of wood up yer ‘ooter …” Then she produced it. It was a vastly elongated broom handle! I remember screaming before slipping into a dead faint. I was vaguely aware of a broom-handle going up, up, around, then down, down … after about fifteen minutes I felt it bump against the very end of my left big toe, just under the toenail before it was gradually withdrawn ….
When I recovered from my faint Janet was smiling brightly at me…
To finish this story, click on my nose (right) to download a PDF for the modest contribution of $1.99.
